Have you ever noticed when you are about to get something you want, there seems to be either minor or major setbacks?
Even when we want something, change can be scary. Fear can often stop us from getting what we want.
What I have found is when we allow fear to have a seat at the table and acknowledge it’s existence it can allow us to move forward.
One of the things I have done for years with great success is when I feel any resistance I ask questions about I believe, feel and know (BFK).
I’ve written about these a few years ago, but I never was happy with the now defunct blog post.
A mentor of mine, Rachel Lang, recently did a podcast on manifestations and I realized there was missing piece to my original post.
Intangible things like better health, more money, creating a successful business, living your purpose or having a good relationship, or even retiring can sometimes be harder to manifest than physical items such as a new car or house.
That is because there can be lots of hidden and unconscious fears. There can be fears with a new car or house too, but those tend to get resolved in a more logical manner, like crunching numbers or going to physically look at house or car.
But intangible things have to rely more on your own faith and how you co-create those items with the universe.
Which is why I found using the BFK numbers so valuable. I spilt any situation into 4 parts. I want to know where my baseline is, how much I’m ready release, creating simplicity and checking-in.
Below is typically how I use the BFK Number Technique, remember I have been doing this technique for years, so I have a very strong muscle for it. A beginner version can be found at the following blog: BFK Number Technique.
BFK Numbers in Action
A few days ago I realized I kept bumping my ankles and shins into things or something would hit them. I knew my body was trying to get my attention.
After looking what ankles and shins represent, I asked myself the following questions.
Part One: Baseline
On a scale of 0-10 how much do I BELIEVE I can have more flexibility in my life?
On a scale of 0-10 how much do I FEEL I can have more flexibility in my life?
On a scale of 0-10 how much do I KNOW I can have more flexibility in my life?
By asking these questions, I gave myself a visual of where I was in the moment. Anything under 10 let me immediately know I had some unconscious fears still, that would keep holding me back.
Sometimes just this bit of acknowledgement is enough to resolve a fear. However fears can often be multi-layered. And even though consciously you might be ready to move forward, your unconscious fears might still hold you back.
Part Two: Release
So the next question I ask is:
On a scale of 0-10 how much am I ready to RELEASE any remaining fears?
If you are lucky enough to get a 10, great! You are ready to completely release those remaining fears.
Any number other than 10 is also great, it just means you are going to release your fears in parts instead of all at once.
Did you know notice, I didn’t ask what the fears were or what I should do to release them?
Remember, how I said at the beginning just giving your fears a seat the table is often enough.
I have found by creating this technique I don’t have to try to figure out every little fear. I just have to acknowledge I still have some.
Part Three: Go About Your Day
Literally that’s it. Whatever you were planning for the day, do!
Try to refrain from digging up all the remaining fears, because that can actually be counter-productive and you may inadvertently increase your fears.
Part Four: Check-In
If you wrote your answers down in First Part or you happen to remember them in a day or so, re-ask yourself the questions and see how your numbers have changed. And then repeat the other parts as necessary. Repeat until you do forget to check in or get all 10's in the first part.
Why it works
One of the jobs our brain is responsible for is to keep us alive and safe. When we do a new thing or create something entirely new our brain doesn’t know how to process the new and it tries to keep us in what’s familiar. Fear is a powerful motivator to hold us in what we know and not change.
It’s why we have to have repetition to learn a new habit, skill or even belief.
By taking the time to acknowledge our fears (even if we don’t specifically know what there are) it helps calm the brain down from the unknown and gives it a container to return to when new fears pop up.
Tips for You
I have used BFK numbers for years now, I love simplicity of the technique. And when I do feel I could benefit from more granular descriptions, I add questions.
- Start with something small.
Want better health, start with a body part instead of your whole body.
Want a successful business focus on ONE small thing that is making you frustrated.
- Chose 1 question to start with
- Start with the following questions:
On a scale of 0-10 how much do I BELIEVE I am ready for (insert your want or desire here)?
On a scale of 0-10 how much do I FEEL I am ready for (insert your want or desire here)?
On a scale of 0-10 how much do I KNOW I am ready for (insert your want or desire here)?
When you become comfortable with the technique feel free to change up the main question. I have a few sample questions below, but it will be way more meaningful to you if you come up with your own question.
- The more important this item is to you, the more times you might have to repeat this technique.
Sample Questions for more complex situations
Applying for a Promotion
On a scale of 0-10 how much do I BELIEVE I can handle the new responsibilities?
On a scale of 0-10 how much do I FEEL I can handle the new responsibilities?
On a scale of 0-10 how much do I KNOW I can handle the new responsibilities?
Getting ready to retire
On a scale of 0-10 how much do I BELIEVE I am ready to leave my career?
On a scale of 0-10 how much do I FEEL I am ready to leave my career?
On a scale of 0-10 how much do I KNOW I am ready to leave my career?
Stuck Business
On a scale of 0-10 how much do I BELIEVE
On a scale of 0-10 how much do I FEEL I am ready to start my podcast?
On a scale of 0-10 how much do I KNOW I am ready to start my podcast?
Wanting a relationship
On a scale of 0-10 how much do I BELIEVE I am emotionally available for a relationship?
On a scale of 0-10 how much do I FEEL I am emotionally available for a relationship?
On a scale of 0-10 how much do I KNOW I am emotionally available for a relationship?
The more you do this
Are your numbers not what you expected? Check out the blog: Up, Down and All Around