When people talk about family caregiving they usually talk about immediate caregiving. A loved one who got hurt, required surgery or a hospital stay. Or they talk about the intense type of caregiving, for someone who has cancer, dementia, or other deliberating disease or illness that requires constant care.
There is a third type of caregiving that often gets over looked. It's something I call Intermittent or Occasional Caregiving.
It’s the caregiving that just gets added to your day and you don’t stop to think about it.
When I look back at my life, most of my life has fallen into the Occasional Caregiver category. My grandmother had Narcolepsy, which is a chronic sleep disorder where, without medicine, she was unable to stay awake.
From a young age I always knew where Gram’s pills where and what time she had to take them. That is occasional caregiving. Now I was one of those kids who always wanted to help, so it was a natural role for me.
As my grandparents got older, my caregiving responsibilities increased, taking them to the doctor or shopping. Again, I did it willingly and often volunteered to.
But those tasks are caregiving.
Now, my parents have lived with me for over 3 years, and I constantly go between immediate caregiving and occasional caregiving. The lines are blurred.
And mostly likely the lines of caregiving are blurred for you too.
You might be an occasional caregiver if you can identify with any of these statements:
- Picking up or ordering some groceries for Mom on the way to her house.
- Taking Dad to the occasional Doctor appointment.
- Making “extra” food so you can drop it off at your parent’s house.
- Setting up your spouse’s pills.
- “Being nice” by getting all the ingredients and pans out for someone to bake.
- Offering to drive instead of them driving on a more regular basis.
- Just being around and all of suddenly offering to help get something if you know they are having trouble reaching or going up or down stairs.
- Stopping by the pharmacy to get a prescription.
- Listening to your family member tell you all about their latest medical saga.
- Helping them fill out medical or insurance forms.
- Keeping an eye on their finances.
- Rearranging a space or cabinet to make it easier for them to reach items.
- Reminding someone to take their pills.
- Setting reminders on their phone or Alexa.
- Having to help with online ordering.
- Having to help with tech in general.
- Cutting fruit or make hard-boiled eggs or do something similar to make something easy to “snack” on them.
- Starting doing more of their “household” chores without being asked, like laundry or dishes.
- Letting them take credit for cooking a meal when you did the majority of the work.
- Managing or keeping track of their schedule so they don’t miss appointments.
- Helping more with holiday dinners.
Acknowledging you are an Intermittent or an Occasional Caregiver can feel like a relief.
Because most of the time these tasks and responsibilities are small and seem insufficient so you don’t think about them and you just add them to your day.
Then you wonder why or feel frustrated when you didn’t get your own to-do list done.
All of these “small” items add up and can take a toll on you over time.
Once you have acknowledged to yourself you are being an Intermittent or Occasional Caregiver, you can give yourself some grace and take steps to help your own stress level.
Here are two important things you can do as an Intermittent or Occasional Caregiver.
1) Ask others to help with different tasks.
Yes, I’ve been there and it can be hard to ask for help. However it is beneficial to you and the person you are caring for.
Check out our blog called Common Caregiver Tasks for the Occasional or Intermittent Caregiver to help show how you can engage others in helping. This post also includes a downloadable PDF to make it even easier for you. No email required.
2) Take a few minutes each day or week to nurture yourself.
It can be really hard to find time and ways to care for yourself without feeling guilty. I’m better at this now, but I can still still struggle with this occasionally. Give yourself grace and permission to integrate self nurturing into your own life.
Here are two of our blogs that give you quick and easy ideas.
Also check out our section on Nurturing Spots and Activities to help you find something in your area or other ideas how you can easily integrate some nurturing into your own life.
