Fear of Getting What  We Want

Fear of Getting What We Want

Fear loves to keep us stuck and 2nd guessing our personal and professional growth

 

Important note to call out. There are two types of fear.

1) Fear serves as a warning of physical or emotional danger.

2) Fear of growth, change or new experiences.

If the first fear is present you need to follow your instincts and get to safety as soon as you can.

The 2nd type of fear is what this blog is about.

Our brain has trouble distinguishing between the two types of fears. It’s main job is to keep you alive. So it doesn’t care if there physical danger or a fear of a new job. It want’s to keep you out of any perceived danger.

Even if your current job is crappy and you want a new job, it’s the known commodity. A brand new job with new people and new responsibilities is exciting and scary.

So we tend to self-sabotage our personal or professional growth. Keeping us with what we know.

Breaking out of this cycle of fear can be frustrating. Because consciously you know it would be better for you to get a new job, but unconsciously all your fears are lurking beneath the surface.

Here are my 4 ways to break this cycle of fear for myself and others when wanting to create something new.

Break the Cycle of Fear Of Personal Growth

1) Give fear a seat at the table

2) Understand where your current baseline is in regards to your fears

3) Update your vocabulary

4) Take Action

 

1) Give Fear a Seat at the Table

Ignoring or pretending you don’t have any fears about something new in your life is a quick recipe for disaster. Your fears will mostly likely come to surface at the least opportune time and have to dealt with immediately. Think cold feet before a wedding.

You don’t have to know your specific fears, but even just acknowledging you have fears or hidden fears allows your brain to receive calming signals from your body.

2) Understand Where Your Current Baseline Is

Are you just starting to explore something new or is something just days away? The closer we get to having what we want. Like a new job or a wedding, the more our fears ramp up. Knowing emotionally where you are can be a huge help.

There are different ways to figure out how your personal baseline works for you. I created a system years ago called BFK Numbers. It helps me get a concrete number on what I currently believe, feel and know. If you are curious to see how I use this method you can read about it here on my blog called: What is really preventing you from getting what you want? 

Or the beginner version can be found here: BKF Numbers Technique.

3) Update your vocabulary

If you keep saying things like, “I want a new job” or “When I get a new job I’ll be happy” you are causing yourself to get stuck in anticipation energy. Which creates circumstances that are always just out of your reach. I wrote a blog about this very thing called Creating Your Future: Using the energy and emotions of today

4) Take Action

This one requires you to listen to yourself a bit. Read the following ideas and pick the one that feels right to you.

If it something small you want, taking action might be as simple as acknowledging your fear and then going about your day.

Maybe it’s something that is a bit more important to you. Taking action in that case might be setting your baseline, going about your day and checking back in with yourself the next day.

If however it is something incredibly important to you might have to do all the prior items AND take aligned action on what you are creating for yourself.

Tip: Pick one thing at a time though or you risk more fear from feeling overwhelmed.

Some examples of aligned action:

Wanting a New Job: Send out a resume, network with 2 or 3 people

Getting Married: Start sending out invitations or save the date card, book a wedding vendor

Getting into a Relationship: Write down your top qualities in a partner, write down your top qualities you bring to a relationship

Wanting a New Home: Start casually browsing neighborhoods or homes, find a relator

Moving Your Business Forward: Write a blog, research how to start a podcast

If any of these or all of these are new for you, give yourself grace and go slowly.

There is a learning curve here. And just because you didn’t get something you wanted, try again. Tweak your process. Build you muscle for creating what you want in your life. Enjoy the process (even when the process is frustrating as hell.) Trust me I know how frustrating the process can be.

And I keep going because I also know how well it works for creating what I want in my life.

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